do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
