Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
