I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
