Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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