You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
