I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
