I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
