How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
