Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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