ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
