hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
