How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
