Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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