Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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