you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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