guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
