I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
