I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
