Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
