you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
