You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
