Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
