We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
