How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
