she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
oh god was she eating orange peels again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
