shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
