There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Someone shit on the floor
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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