So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
