If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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