The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
