how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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