Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
