so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
