I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
