my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
