Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
