Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
