Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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