i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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