Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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