Grow some girl-balls and come out already
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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