I can tuck mytits in my pants
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
