she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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