May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
