apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
