I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Randomize
