This is not my ceiling
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
