Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
