Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
