I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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