sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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